Since two weeks ago when major stuff happened, I’ve felt like I matured more than the time would warrant. Without going into really kitshy psychology/philosophy rant, I feel more in tune with, well… me.  And one of the result is that I suddenly realized that there are four unlucky people on earth who are cursed blessed with inconditional love. From me.  It’s really a strange feeling, almost dangerous. No matter what they do, no matter how stupid they act, it’s as if part of them will always belong in my life in one way or another.

What if they become murderers? Will all of this unconditional love feeling disapear?

The whole idea also made me think of Robin’s Hobb the fool, and how he said he put no limits to his love… that’s some strong stuff. It feels that way, but I doubt I would actualy do it. Considering who those people are, it would be way wrong.

It still feels nice though. All warm.

Because this morning I got up, started eating breakfast and it was still pitch black outside ( as close to pitch black as it’s possible to be in a city with lights on and all ) and now the countdown to snow has started. Snow!

I always find the days between the first sunless mornings and the first snow to be the hardestof the year, there is no light and everything is grey. It’s like living in a depressive war era movie.

For the first time in what seems like ages, I’ve had a dream again. I was in my old house, although the room arrangements were completly off (the lazy-boy was in the middle of the kitchen) and all my extended family was around. I was sitting in the couch with my nephew and some other cousin’s kids when suddenly one of my uncles arrived and he had a black very big cat. Ok so maybe not as big as a panther but midway, with all the hunter skills of a real panther.

And from that moment on, whenever I walked anywhere, the panther would follow me and walk past me close enough to trip me so I would fall on the ground. During the dream it happened at least 4 times. I walk, something black and strong brushes against my knee as I put my weight on it and bang! the cement. And I see the black cat continuing on towards whatever as if it wasn’t his whole point of tripping me.

Now, does it mean anything?

I just read the news on Mugglenet, and I must say I’m very surprised. Nowhere in the text have I ever felt it could have been understood through the lines that the headmaster was homosexual. I suppose I will have to read it all over again.

I’m also a little weirded out by all the slash fanfics out there. Some of them might actually be true now! I’m also worried of the consequences on the book this will bring, there are enough people bashing the series on grounds of witchcraft to add homophobia or pedophilia into it.

and is it just me or does anyone else have the feeling this smells like publicity stunt?

EDIT : I just read this article dealing on the subject in the Time Magazine and it,s pretty much what I thought, only more intelligently written *s*

I was trying not to cry too openly, walking towards my bus, when at one point I couln’t stop myself so I went into the most cramped downtown pharmacy (surface : 3 quare feet) to buy a box of tissues.

I didn’t make it to the cashier before needing to open the box. Sobs sobs sobs.

note : personnel ultra are NOT soft on the nose.